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Marriage not the ultimate!

SHARE   |   Monday, 18 June 2018   |   By Tumie Forthright
Marriage not the ultimate!

"Are you sure about that?"

"Certain!"

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"Why though?"

"No, why do you make it sound like I need a reason to not want to get married, let's talk about that first."

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"Because, well, people want to get married!"

"Not I".

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"You're not normal then". The way this is said is both hilarious and sad all at the same time, and I think "the box, there is that box, the box that everyone must fit into".

Marriage is not the ultimate, not for everyone, and not by a long shot. Sadly, in most societies you must at some point in your life get married or at least want to get married. Society has even made it into some litmus paper test for "successful". If you're married, no matter how happily (or sadly) you are; you have made it!

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I saw a sad meme recently suggesting that if a woman is not married by twenty-eight she should forget about ever getting married and if any guy looked her way that guy is not serious. How catastrophic!

I've seen women say yes to the man who spat on their face and looked at them like a piece of garbage and go on and put all stops to have a magazine worthy wedding, and plummet into the saddest marriages known to man, to tick a societal box, tell me that is not pressure!

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Many women marry abusers, losers, and looters to tick a box, straight into misery and out again!

You're probably thinking I have something against marriage right? Not in the least. I am the biggest marriage advocate. I love beautiful and happy unions and live for gorgeous weddings. But I'll also tell you how my heart falls when a niece girl marries a guy who kicked her guts when she was pregnant last year and when a friend goes and marries her serial cheating partner. For me those aren't things marriages are made of. Well at least I think the guy who thought marriage a good idea didn't. I also want know what this person who thought a 'love forever' for two grown folk was possible, was high on. No, what Bible? I truly do not think marriage is biblical either. You're wondering? No, I'm not aethist, I'm as Christian as they come, with a crazy mind just!

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I've seen happily married, I've seen frustratingly married, I've seen newly married, I've seen forever married, I've seen and heard of two minute/week/month/year marriages. And I know some could have been avoided if we were not in a race against time to tick a box.

A toddler gets one of their first reads and shows on television suggesting a "then they lived happily ever after". What these books and shows forget to capture is the in between. I do not like the cinema, and in my life choices I do not have friends who are cinema happy, movies off a laptop covered in a fleece on a couch make our movie dates. See how my friends do the same things I do, or at least enjoy them and make our relationship work? Why then would I marry a cinema happy chap? This is conception of resentment, after I've sat through several cinema scenarios and eventually a fall out and walking out some days isn't guaranteed!

So it makes all the sense in the world to marry your friend. Marry someone you like outside of the textbook chemistry. Friends fall out yes but find it easier to make up than walk out! That brings me to another worry about this marriage thing. Where is it written that "YOU CAN'T WALK OUT"! I imagine it's in caps, or how else would a terrifying number of folks sit out misery as nicely as they do? Heart wrenching!

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Society makes it hard, because after the boxes you must tick society then makes a list of can't dos and shame-wrap them to show you how un-great they are. The way a child wants to stay appealing to its parents, that's how we all are to Society and then those who defy this are of course labelled. I totally believe Society should change its life syllabus and teach its pupils that it's your life to live. No, we don't wanna walk stark naked in the streets, but see when you're miserable this same society doesn't take a portion of the misery for you.  It's all on you! So can the one in misery then be given liberty to decide what to do with it, and not be judged when they walk?

The other day my friend and I were talking about how governments should consider expiring date certificate for marriages; two years, five years, seven, ten, fifteen, twenty and forever.

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You walk in there with your bae and decide I imagine you're smiling at each other "do you think we could shoot for seven, or mustn't we be so ambitious?" See there will be option to renew. Our other friend decided then that she hadn't thought us that mad before and knew there was no redemption for us. No harm in dreaming.

"My friend, I don't wanna get married, get used to it, and I do not need a reason as to why. Are you happy in your marriage?"

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"Not by a long shot". 



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