FNB Acacia

Do waiters spit in your food?

SHARE   |   Sunday, 20 July 2014   |   By Bashi Letsididi
Do waiters spit in your food?

Eating out has always been an exercise in suspending disbelief but when what one is supposed to not think about is explicitly stated in court papers, it becomes a little too difficult to suspend such disbelief.

Stories of waiters spitting in food are commonplace but they have now been elevated to a new level of plausibility, with two customers making sworn statements to the Village Magistrate Court that their food (and their child’s) was spat into by a miffed waiter at an unnamed Gaborone restaurant. The stakes are much higher with a legally binding oath like this one than with a casual remark made to friends.

SEE ALSO: The winemaker

The case proper has nothing to do with food contamination - this allegation only comes as a side detail to buttress a more substantive point in the affidavits. It is unclear what happened to the food but it would appear that it was not subjected to any sort of forensic examination to determine the exact nature of the substance that the said customers believed was human saliva. What this means is that the court will not seek to get to the bottom of the spitting incident. However, a sworn statement has been made to confirm what some gastro pub patrons have always suspected.

The general belief is that meanness towards waitrons provokes them into poisoning the orders of “culprits” but that may not always be the case. Looking good and desirable can be as risky.
In private conversation, a 20 something old woman, who used to work at a Gaborone gastro pub says that if a male customer looks “smoking hot” to her, she would “become one” with his food in the privacy of the kitchen. She swore she was not the only one who did this. This is the sort of situation where there is mutual civility between both drooling waitress and 100-degrees Celsius customer from the second the food is ordered to when it is served. If say, the customer ordered a steak, this item could be subjected to an extended period of passionate tongue-kissing by a waitress, who would be imagining the steak to be the former’s tongue. At this point in her story, the waitress was courteous enough to extend and seductively roll her tongue around the mouth to demonstrate how this make-believe ritual of romance would be enacted. It is during moments like these that the not-hot young men should observe a moment of silence and thank the good Lord above for having sculpted them on an unusually busy weekday.

The analogy made by Otto von Bismarck, the German statesman extraordinaire who is otherwise partly responsible for separating Mabule people in Botswana from their relatives in Mabule, South Africa is always useful when food hygiene is the subject: “Laws are like sausages, it is better not to see them being made.” Perhaps it may be best to eat them blindfolded.